” 12 Rules For Life ” Series, Part 3

Rule number 3 of Dr.Petersons book is “Make Friends With People Who Want The Best For You”. Again, I don’t like to give too deep of a summary because I don’t want to steal the knowledge or deprive anyone the opportuinty to purchase the book and read it themselves, but I like this chapter in particular because Dr. Peterson gives some insight into the town in which he was raised and uses a close personal example that I had a very easy time relating to.

He told the story of someone he know that was not able to live up to the potential that seemed to be very obvious to the people around him. A lot of things played into that such as inability to function productively while stoned, low aspirations even just in the job he had and also chose friends who didn’t push him to be better than he was. It did not take me long at all to find paralells to these in my life.

In Highschool I had a friend that we will call Thomas. I was introduced to him through another friend I had who we will call Hillary. The two of them were dating and we all became best friends. We spent everyday together and shared all of our drugs and cigarettes and alcohol, but not exactly equally. For whatever the reason was Hillary generally went along with whatever Thomas said, which became a problem after a while. Thomas had some emotional problems that I was never 100% clear on but for which he took fair amounts of very heavy drugs including calonopin, xanax and things of that nature and to this day I’m not convinced they were all correctly prescribed.

After they were together for a while Hillary took on the same positions and opinons of Thomas and in turn was much more difficult to have deep emotional conversations with and even speak generally about what we might do with ourselves. Thomas and I would make trades if one of us had cigarettes and the other had weed, but I always had to give away more cigarettes and never got quite as much weed. The argument was commonly made that becuase at the time I had been stealing to support our habits, the drugs or alcohol I was providing were not as valuable as what they were providing because they were earning money doing chores or what-not and then purchasing the drugs.

None of this ever made sense to me, but because I didn’t have a good view of myself I was able to subconsciously convince myself that’s what I deserved, because that is what I had. It took Hillary and Thomas having a baby about two years after him and I had met and them continuing on with the unhealthy habits we had, for me to see that I didn’t need that in my life, and that we all deserved better than what we had.

At the same time that all of this was happening I had another friend, my best friend, who I am proud to honestly say his name is Trent’n. He has been my best friend for 10 years, amd my son will bare his name. Not even a week ago, Trent’n and I nearly got into a screaming match in a mexican restaraunt because he felt at the time that I may not be trying as hard as I can to reach my potential, and specifially that I may be allowing people in my life to deny me opportunities before I had asked for them.

We took a break from the conversation and finished later on a much more similar page and fully understood what the miscommunication was and what the other was trying to get at. I was only ever frustrated because I knew at a certain pont that we were talking about different things and maybe the beers we had been drinking were making it hard for us to see that. I also knew and never ever doubted that that only happened because my best friend wants abolsutely nothing but the best for me. The whole thing started because he thought maybe I should be making more money. In a world where my largest stresser and generally largest concern is dollars, it is nothing but love for me to hear my best friend want me to be valued the way he sees me.

It is layed out extraordinarly clearly in this chapter how vitally important it is to make friends with people who want the best for you. A set of people who care deeply for eachother will always do everything they can to make sure the other is in an advantageous position in their lives. It allows you to see the true value in yourself and in turn begin to identify a viable and legitmate path for your life. After having realized that Trent’n is the best friend I could have asked for and is the one I deserved the entire time, I could never go back. And I could never ask for anyone better for a best friend.

 

-Donavan Phillips