I love my job. It’s very strange and very particular, and makes me feel valued when I get frustrated and take a step back to look at it. I am like Liam Neeson in the way I have a very particular set of skills, except mine won’t translate as well when I’m done working here. I don’t want to go deep in depth about my job here but if you are curious about it check out episode #40 where we interviewed Dave Z and talked quite a bit about what we do to make money.
At the risk of sounding like a douche by saying “ nothing is the same since I have had a kid “, it’s true. Very few things are the same since Dax was born. The three weeks I took off were rad but at the end I did kind of miss work if only because I got so used to doing it all the time, but I was and am happy to be back. I didn’t forget anything major, which was a concern, and was able to step right back into the swing of things. But I FEEL different being here. I get bored way easier. Like, much much easier. Maybe bored isn’t even the right word but uncaptivated is too generous to how captivated I was before by my work.
That’s normal, I know that, to not always be fully enjoying what you are doing but it leads to being much more easily distracted. It’s even carried over into the podcast, albeit to a lesser degree. I attribute that to the fact that I feel very passionate about what we are doing here and enjoy and also need the conversations that Colin and I have every week. There are not many places I can openly, freely, and confidently talk about the things we talk about. It’s a release for me and an opportunity I didn’t often get before we started the pod.
I shared with my wife today, and put into words for the first time, that one of the things that has changed for me is my work. I no longer feel fulfilled by my work like I did before. I’m not able to plug in and tune out like I was before Dax was born. I’m not sure what to attribute that to yet. Whether it’s just the time I took off work, still getting used to my new life or that my priorities have shifted completely.
I’m not going to start looking for a new job or anything, especially before I figure out why I’m feeling this way, but this new lack of fulfillment has further solidified for me that I will probably have to find something new to do to have the life style I want. It has also further solidified for me that the podcast is probably the way to do that. If I want to be able to be with my family as much I can, want to try and do what I can to change and improve the world around me, and want to be able to express myself, have honest, thought provoking and idea challenging conversations, then building this podcast to a point where my life and the life of my family and co host can be supported is the best option I have.
That’s been the whole point of this from the beginning. For us to have an outlet for ourselves and thoughts that we felt people could benefit from, and if we can support ourselves or even thrive while we are doing it then that’s even better. I’m not sure exactly what I expected it to be like this first year. I certainly didn’t expect to be making money one year in (which we aren’t), and I don’t know that I even expected people to be listening. I suppose in that sense I’m exactly where I thought I would be.
Starting a business is hard, which in the end is what we are doing. And I think starting a business in your 20s is particularly hard because you don’t know who you are yet. I feel confident and blessed that I was able to begin to get a grip on who I am this early. That I even have a clue. I have a lot of people to thank for that.
Myself partially for working and making mistakes but not ever giving up no matter how bad I wanted to so many times. I also have to thank my mom for birthing me and giving me a shot at life, and then for doing an excellent job raising me. My grandma for doing the latter. My sister for teaching me to deal with difficult people. My wife for always pushing me and supporting me through anything I want to do. Even make mistakes. Colin for joining me and again pushing me to try my hardest and challenge my own thinking up until this point. And now finally my son. For changing my life and forcing me into a reality point of what I need to do with myself.
I want to run a media network. One that we started. I want people working for us and reporters in the White House press room. I want to read news from my journalists that is breaking, and that is vital to the American public. I want to take that news and report, along side my good buddy Colin, every single day of the week. I want people to trust our name, because they know that we won’t lie and neither will our journalists. And most of all I want to do it honestly, so that my son can see that it’s possible. For helping me get here mentally I can never thank any of these people enough. All I can do, is DO IT. All I can do is work and strive and yearn for success until I achieve it. I can reach these goals and dreams to show my son and my family and my loved ones that their time was not wasted. To succeed is the only way to repay those who showed faith in me and there for my only option.
From here I use the advice of Dr. Jordan Peterson. The best way to achieve a large goal, is to set small ones that are a pathway to the large one. So now, I reframe my thinking. I need to look at my job as the incredible opportunity that it is that provides me with everything I need to support my family and support the podcast until the podcast itself does that. I need to use the time I have and make the most of it and do research for the podcast. Use my lunch to write my blog posts (which is what I’m doing right now) and try and get my name out there, to try and get OUR name out there. People want what we are offering. They just don’t know it yet. Somethings people know that they want. Cures to diseases. TV whenever they want. Pizza delivery. And some things they don’t. Like honest news and cold. Hard. Facts.
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