First of all, Happy First Mothers Day to my amazing wife. Dax and I could not make it without you.
I began this piece over and over about 20 times because I it just sounded like bragging. And then I thought; why wouldn’t I want to brag? So I decided, fuck it. This blog post is about my wife, and it’s a full brag. No humble, no half, full brag. My wife is the best, and I’m going to tell you why.
I know I have said before, but the last few months have been some of the most challenging I have ever dealt with and I think the same goes for Jordyn. It’s been confusing and frustrating and stressful, but I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to help me undertake this venture. When Jordyn and I 10 years ago I was obsessed with her, but even then I wouldn’t have told you we would get married. It wouldn’t be have been good if we were together then. We were very different people then we were then (as everyone should be) and had we got together then we would definitely not be together today.
None of what I’m going to say is to discredit myself because I work insanely hard. Due to the fact that, people have been having babies for so long, being a stay at home mom can be downplayed to a dangerous degree. I work, in some fashion, 7 days a week. If I don’t wake up naturally early Saturday then there is not a single day during the week I DON’T wake up to an alarm. I work between 45 and 50 hours a week of conventional work and then come home and do more research for the show while I catch up on chores.. Sounds exhausting right? I still think Jordyn’s job is harder.
When we first got home i was working dad overtime even before going back to work. Because Jordyn had had a C section, she was slow moving and slow to get off the couch to get the baby. So for those first couple of weeks I did a lot of up and down and pretty much everything besides feed him. And when he WOULDN’T nurse I did that as well. But now Dax is almost 4 months old and in the last few weeks as he has established his schedule and Jordyn got back to 100% health, she flourished.
Just like my wife, I fall more and more in love with our son, Dax, everyday. I love coming home to him at the end of the day, I love the smile on his face and the little noises he is starting to make. He is perfect. But he also LOVES the sound of his own voice at a very high volume. That is not perfect. For reasons I am still trying to conjure into literary existence, I have a much shorter frustration fuse than my wife. When dax decides to show off his singing voice, Jordyn is good to go for 30 minutes when, I’m in for about 10-15 before I need a break. Jordyn’s skill is undeniable.
Those first few weeks I was shining. Working and then coming home, cleaning the house before, during, and after making dinner, and at the same time loving my baby and wife. Jordyn was extremely exhausted from giving birth to Dax, I felt like I should be doing MORE, but she disagreed. I never doubted how well Jordyn would adapt to being a mother, she has never given me a single reason to and my confidence only grew when Dax arrived.
Besides the occasional rough day with Dax, I literally have to ask her to leave the housework for me to do. She says because I’m working on Dax’s room and do yard work on top of working, I shouldn’t have to do things inside as well. (On a side note, while writing this I took a break to give the baby a bath. We finished up and is started putting him to sleep and after he screamed for 10 minutes, I got too hot and Jordyn had him to sleep in less than 5. Super mom.) She breast feeds, so she is the one that feeds him at night and almost always gets up with him. She makes me go to bed by 10 because I wake up at 4 and she wants me to get my rest. She brings Dax to my work at least once a week so that I don’t miss them as much and I can show off my son.
It doesn’t stop at just the standard mom affair I detailed above. The emotions that come with having a child cannot be explained. At the risk of sounding extremely dramatic as well as cocky, I feel very confident with how in touch I am with my emotions and how well I am generally able to process. However, the changes I am experiencing emotionally is not something I have been able to verbalize or quantify with anyone including my incredible wife. The only emotional hurdle I’ve seen her really really struggle with is leaving the baby for extended periods of time, which is more than understandable.
My wife suffers from severe but not debilitating anxiety. During this period of extreme change SHE has been the stable one. She has talked me off the proverbial ledge about a dozen times, she is constantly vigilant of the skewed way I seem to see the world and how to get through to me before I get in my own head. She knows just the right balance of allowing me to feel how I feel and work through it, while not allowing it to hinder the progression of our lives. I could not have imagined this is how it would be. I also could not be any luckier to have the partner I have.
None of this really went the way we expected. The C section wasn’t planned, the extra week I had to take off of work wasn’t planned. We didn’t think we would have a baby who doesn’t like to take naps and has a stomach just has bad as ours. We didn’t expect Jordyn to have trouble nursing in the beginning, and definitely didn’t expect the fits of inconsolable crying. It all caught us off guard. For two very scheduled people it could have been a death sentence, but the truly insane adaptivity of a mother was shown to me, through my wife. She is astounding.
She isn’t perfect, but neither am I. I leave things at home and talk too loud. I’m really really intense and if I get too upset I’m dead to the world. The positive aspects and items in the “pro” column of this relationship so vastly and innumerable outweigh the negatives, they aren’t even worth mentioning. When we were 15 we weren’t the people we are today. For a long time it made me mad that I couldn’t be with Jordyn, but I see now that we aren’t the same people we were then. We needed that time to grow so that we could prepare ourselves for each other. As hard as it was then, and can be now, to be patient for the right moment or right person to come along, Jordyn was worth the wait. Happy Mother’s Day.